How to be an adult... anyone?

     I am sorry, but this is not going to be a step-by-step guide on how to be an adult and be a grown up, these are just my musings on what I feel it means to be grown up.
     I've never really felt like an adult, even though on my last birthday I turned twenty-six. As far as my brain is concerned, I am and will always be hovering somewhere between seventeen and twenty-one. I may look twenty-six (well, not according to Sainsbury's or Tesco actually when buying cigarettes, or in fact the corner shop owner who questioned my age when buying a lighter) but I don't feel it, I don't act it, but yet somehow I am. Does this mean that now that I am over the ripe old age of twenty-five and am in fact, in my mid twenties, make me an adult? Am I grown up?
     Yes: my hair is going grey, but it has for a long time. I call it my bling! But that is hereditary, my father on his wedding day was a walking advert for Just For Men. Yes: my eyesight is terrible, but again, blame that good ol' scape-goat genetics on that one. Yes: I am quite deaf, to some things. I have to ask people to repeat themselves sometimes, but then other times I can hear a phone ringing from a house away (me thinks my PA Spidey-Senses have come into play here) but again, blame is to be laid firmly at the door of my headphones who are blasting music and noise into my ears all the time. Does any of the above make me grown up?
     No: I do not have a mortgage. No: I do not have savings. No: I do not have a car (or a license for that matter). No: I do not have any idea of what I want to do for the rest of my life, or what any of my real interests or passions are. No: I haven't a clue as to when I am going to want to settle down, have kids, live in one place and put down proper roots. Are these things that are just supposed to naturally fall into place as you get older, or are they something that we strive towards because we think we should be doing it?
     The older I get, the more hell-bent on having some adventures I am getting. I don't particularly want to settle down, I want to go and see the world and get into trouble and meet fascinating people and make friends with people on buses and live in the sun and be a bum and do all sorts of wonderful things. That, in all honesty, has been with me for a long time. However, as I am approaching thirty, which is really coming close to the age where people have all of my No's ticked as Yes's, why am I turning in the opposite direction! Most of my childhood friends have their careers sorted, and have had them for a long time, since we were children really their talents and their interests and passions shone through. Not so much me. They know what they want to do. Again, I really don't know! I don't particularly want to get married and have children either, it just doesn't interest me and it never really has. Of course, if my friends or family have any children or are getting married, I take a full interest in them and what's happening, but in the back of my mind, there's always the ever-present voice saying 'Nah mate, I don't think this is for me somehow'.
     The idea of a mortgage, washing machine, two cars, a garden, TV licenses, responsibility, money management, loss of freedom are things that really scare me. Is it because I think I will someday buy into all of this and forget the seventeen year old Laura? Or the fact that I might actually enjoy it and become even more boring than I already am, be even more of a worry?
     Who says that we should have to settle down anyway? Maybe, I just haven't reached the settling down age, where I always thought it would be thirty. But as that age isn't so far away now, maybe I have a different settling down age to other people? That's fine by me! But some other people don't think so, and I'm sure people close to me have thought will it ever happen, will Laura really settle down, grow up, do something with her life? But what if I don't...
     So when does being a fully fledged grown up actually happen? Anyone? No?

Why did the chicken cross the road? Probably because the footpath hogger wouldn't get out of the way

Part Deux as they say in the States:

Following on from the roaring success of part one in my Footpath Hogger Chronicles, here is my second and final entry. These are a short selection of the perils that you literally face each day. Note, I will not be offering solutions to these, as there are none, just giving you a heads up on how to spot and hopefully avoid a hogger coming at you. Note note, maybe a solution of crossing the road altogether...

The One Two Three Four Five Shuffle Type:
You seem them. They see you. Probably from a great distance down the street. You alter your course to avoid walking on the same path as them. However, they could be like you, and could have already altered THEIR own course to avoid walking on your side of the path. You alter back, so as to avoid paths literally crossing. However, they are of the same mind frame, and have done the exact same thing. This can continue for some time, with both of you springing from left to right in a one-two style shuffle spanning the width of the pavement.
Oh OK, a solution:
While it may take two to tango, it will only take one to put an end to the Tomfoolery of a one-two shuffle. Once you have shuffled side to side a good four times, stay where you are, and let the other person dance around you. Meet their gaze, smile, and keep on walking!
These scenarios can actually brighten up your day, so instead of avoiding them, sometimes its fun to just do it. And if you are feeling very brave and like the look of the person you are shuffling with, why not grab their hands and do a little dance a la Gene Kelly or someone else famous for being a dancer (answers on a post card please). And while this might work in somewhere such a London, I wouldn't really try this in Down Town Ballygobackwards, you may end up being known as The Quare Wan. And no one wants that.

I Own The Footpath Type:
They see you, yet you might not necessarily see them. And yet as you are walking on the footpath, you sort of keep to your respective side so as not to pee any fellow pedestrians off. However, you may be veering off into the oncoming path of someone else (unbeknownst of course) The I Own The Footpath Type spots you coming from a mile away, much like a hunting lioness, sees that you are alone and vulnerable, and makes their move. Suddenly, as if you the mere meerkat in all this hears a rustling in the undergrowth and senses danger, you spot them, and move over to your chosen side while the hunter bears down on you. However, they are not walking in a straight line on their own side of the path, they are coming across the path, to your side. You think they may be doing so in error, but please dear meerkat, cop on, they are doing this intentionally, to gain power over the footpath, to gain control on the pavement empire. You make urgent eye contact with them, urging them to keep over their own side. But they are relentless, and will not be happy until you have walked into the wall parallel to the street you are on, or are arm deep in a bush or hedge along the side of the road. Once they have passed you, they instantly move back to their own sides, with a smug grin on their face.
Fine, OK, another solution:
There's not much you can do in this situation, except hold your own. Stand your ground, and if you are fast enough to recognise them coming down the street, perhaps feign rooting in your hand bag (on the side of the path, remember no one likes The Stopper) but stay where you are, until danger goes past you. Or, if you are feeling brave and are the kind of person who would engage in a hand held one-two shuffle like above, then give them a taste of their own medicine. Yes, that's right, become the I Own The Footpath Type. I have never seen this happen, so I wouldn't really recommend anyone to do it. You could give it a go though, and get back to me? Warning: do not engage in angry eye contact, they will sense your fear and you will end up not just touching the hedge growth, but more than likely in it. It will not end well.

The Marcher Type:
Normally women, I am not going to lie, you know the power-bitch types? With the glasses, and heels, and the make-up, and the waist the size of your arm, and the eyebrows, and the bag held not on their shoulder (that's a post for another day) but in the nook of their elbow? Yes, you all know them, of course some of you might actually be them. Anyway! They do see you, but pretend not to. In fact, when you look at them, it is as if you are invisible to them and they are looking straight through you. They also walk right in the middle of the footpath, and will be marching forth like a tank, and they will mow you down if you are not canny enough to see them early and move well out of the way.
OK this is the final solution: (note, not to be confused with Hitler's final solution, a tad drastic for a mere footpath violation)
You could march into them? Who knows where that could go though, so again, please do not try this. Your best bet? Do the walking equivalent of lying down in the foetal position and playing dead to avoid attack from The Marcher, pick a side of the pavement and keep as close to the edge as possible and never, ever veer into their path.

You have been warned.