Here are some hints and tips I have picked up along the way, tactics used by both myself and other tricks of the trade gathered from observing former work colleagues.
Step 1: Stare intensely at the computer screen with pedantic and serious look on your face. Put some energy into it, people will back off when they see the look of sheer concentration. Pen chewing optional.
Step 2: Keep your desk littered with random pieces of paper for you to shuffle around at regular intervals. Paper shuffling gives the impression of important work to do. If you have mastered the concentrated intense look from Step 1, please add to the mix for added effect.
Step 3: Walk around the office looking like you are on a mission. Holding a pen/piece of paper/documents which will show you colleagues that you are a person of merit in the office and have important work to do.
Step 3: Offer to make tea for your work mates. This will make your team mates think that you are a really good guy whilst giving you the time to arse about eating biscuits and reading the paper.
Step 4: Stare off into the distance every so often, as if you are collecting your thoughts or thinking about the mountain of work you have to do, and how best of prioritise it.
Step 5: Repeat Step 3.
Step 6: Sigh, huff and puff audibly as if you are stressed out with the workload you have.
Step 7: Have Skysports.com/Heatworld.com/Solitaire open on your desktop, along with several work related emails, to enable you to flick back and over between when you hear the footsteps of your boss in the hall.
Step 8: Randomly bash the keys on your keyboard to give the impression that you are typing.
Step 9: Come in at Stupid O'Clock so that your boss thinks you are really hard working and dedicated to your job. He doesn't have to know that you are only in to use the free internet.
Step 10: Take up smoking/invent a bladder problem etc No one questions it.
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