Since moving to London, I'm seeing a phenomenon which I have witnessed elsewhere, but nowhere quite to the same degree. When I walk down the street, I like to get from A to B as quickly as possible. Even on a nice sunny day when really I should be paying attention to the wonders of nature, I'm still powering through to get to my destination. Some people however, are not like that. And therein lies the issue. It's the Curse of the Footpath Hogger.
There are many types of footpath hoggers, and you will see them all over this wonderful city, and indeed all over the world. Here are just a few...
The Stroller:
The Stroller ambles down the road, swinging their arms, marvelling at the buildings and the sights and the shops that they walk past. This particular type of hogger tends to sway back and over in the middle of the footpath, the swinging arms blocking all of your attempts to pass them by on either side of the path. You take a step to the left, boom too late, they're already sashaying on that side. You veer right and boom again, guess who's arms are flailing about on that side? You attempt a fake left-right, and yet you are left looking like a fool as you do an imaginary tap dance on the path and are still stuck behind them.
The Solution:
Dodge death by going wide onto the road around them and into oncoming traffic.
The Risk:
Being hit by the No. 200 bus that comes out of nowhere from behind you.
The Tourist:
Not to be confused with the, ahem, award-winning film starring Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp, The Tourist is a type of hogger that is not just confined to London. Of course, you can find the tourist anywhere, any wiff of an interesting architectural feature or a world famous land site and you will find them there, fanny packs around the waist and cameras in hand. They walk hand in hand along the street, taking their cue from The Stroller, and have more of a pavement presence than the Stroller. They really do take over the entire footpath with their stone-washed large bums and their enormous baseball hats obscuring your view of oncoming pedestrian traffic, thereby leaving you delayed while they take pictures of a bus stop. A genuine authentic London bus stop. Wow.
The Solution:
Nothing much you can do in this situation, except grin and bear it. If you see an opening, just go for it.
The Risk:
Staying put and following them thereby being mistaken for one of them, or if you do make a run for it, you will probably bump into someone that you don't want to see, who ordinarily you would have avoided bumping into as you would have seen them coming up the street if said stone-washed bums and giant baseball hats were not in the way.
The Stopper:
The worst kind of hogger. They will be walking in front of you, probably at a pace to match your own. You are lulled into a false sense of security of them not hogging the path at all at all, when in fact, they are just laying the trap, waiting for you to walk right up close to them. Once they sense you merely millimetres from their back, they pick this very moment to suddenly stop, root in their bag/backpack/pocket for something. Normally a phone ringing or a wallet to be sourced. You cannot but crash right into the back of them, or have to grind to a skidding halt to stop yourself from rear-ending them. You wouldn't suddenly stop and go looking for something in the middle of the motorway would you? No, of course not. You would be beeped off the road and possibly smashed into by a car that is following you. On a motorway, you would calmly (well, I say calmly but you know!) put on your indicator and pull over to the side of the road before you recommence your search. Not The Stopper. No no, they stop dead on the spot, hence the name I suppose.
The Solution:
When you eventually hone your walking senses to be able to read people from the back, you will begin to take note of the people with bags, or bulging pockets, for they are the Stoppers. My advice? Go wide. Possibly cross the road. You will not win.
The Risk:
Not really watching the people in front of you and practically walking on top of the Stopper causing a wee embarrassing commotion on the street that could have otherwise being avoided had you been paying attention.
Tomorrow, Path Hoggers part deux.
There are many types of footpath hoggers, and you will see them all over this wonderful city, and indeed all over the world. Here are just a few...
The Stroller:
The Stroller ambles down the road, swinging their arms, marvelling at the buildings and the sights and the shops that they walk past. This particular type of hogger tends to sway back and over in the middle of the footpath, the swinging arms blocking all of your attempts to pass them by on either side of the path. You take a step to the left, boom too late, they're already sashaying on that side. You veer right and boom again, guess who's arms are flailing about on that side? You attempt a fake left-right, and yet you are left looking like a fool as you do an imaginary tap dance on the path and are still stuck behind them.
The Solution:
Dodge death by going wide onto the road around them and into oncoming traffic.
The Risk:
Being hit by the No. 200 bus that comes out of nowhere from behind you.
The Tourist:
Not to be confused with the, ahem, award-winning film starring Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp, The Tourist is a type of hogger that is not just confined to London. Of course, you can find the tourist anywhere, any wiff of an interesting architectural feature or a world famous land site and you will find them there, fanny packs around the waist and cameras in hand. They walk hand in hand along the street, taking their cue from The Stroller, and have more of a pavement presence than the Stroller. They really do take over the entire footpath with their stone-washed large bums and their enormous baseball hats obscuring your view of oncoming pedestrian traffic, thereby leaving you delayed while they take pictures of a bus stop. A genuine authentic London bus stop. Wow.
The Solution:
Nothing much you can do in this situation, except grin and bear it. If you see an opening, just go for it.
The Risk:
Staying put and following them thereby being mistaken for one of them, or if you do make a run for it, you will probably bump into someone that you don't want to see, who ordinarily you would have avoided bumping into as you would have seen them coming up the street if said stone-washed bums and giant baseball hats were not in the way.
The Stopper:
The worst kind of hogger. They will be walking in front of you, probably at a pace to match your own. You are lulled into a false sense of security of them not hogging the path at all at all, when in fact, they are just laying the trap, waiting for you to walk right up close to them. Once they sense you merely millimetres from their back, they pick this very moment to suddenly stop, root in their bag/backpack/pocket for something. Normally a phone ringing or a wallet to be sourced. You cannot but crash right into the back of them, or have to grind to a skidding halt to stop yourself from rear-ending them. You wouldn't suddenly stop and go looking for something in the middle of the motorway would you? No, of course not. You would be beeped off the road and possibly smashed into by a car that is following you. On a motorway, you would calmly (well, I say calmly but you know!) put on your indicator and pull over to the side of the road before you recommence your search. Not The Stopper. No no, they stop dead on the spot, hence the name I suppose.
The Solution:
When you eventually hone your walking senses to be able to read people from the back, you will begin to take note of the people with bags, or bulging pockets, for they are the Stoppers. My advice? Go wide. Possibly cross the road. You will not win.
The Risk:
Not really watching the people in front of you and practically walking on top of the Stopper causing a wee embarrassing commotion on the street that could have otherwise being avoided had you been paying attention.
Tomorrow, Path Hoggers part deux.
