If it's good enough for Madonna

Randy Jackson, the most un-black Black man on earth

Reinvent: 1. To make over completely
               2. To bring back into existence or use
               3. To do something again, from the beginning


Can anyone do it or is it just the stamp of celebrities desperate to keep up with the Jones' and in the press?. Do I really want to reinvent myself as in description one, or do I want to opt for description two, bring back the essence of myself from wherever I left it last. I think I'll opt for number two, bring it back rather than overhaul completely. It's not like I am that much of a nightmare that I need to totally dig up the basement, put a loft conversion in the attic, get rid of the old kitchen and put a skylight in the new bathroom extension. No, I need a good clean down, perhaps a sky light in the already there hallway to let some extra light in? And maybe a wardrobe makeover too, and by makeover I mean getting rid of the clothes I no longer fit into, and then not being able to afford to buy any more for another hundred years or so. 
     Most people will have their identity crisis either just as the New Years Comedown sets in, or in Spring Time when people are heralding a new season by cleaning and clearing everything in sight. Not me, no I prefer to do things at the end of Summer. Yes, I realise that next week, it will be November and officially winter, what with the weather happening at the moment,  I am being fooled into thinking it is late August. Look outside the window right now and tell me you are not feeling the same? The end of the summer fidgety feeling is something I read about recently, and it really rang true for me.I take stock of what I have been up to for the previous nine months and start to notice things that need to be fixed, changed or deleted entirely. And I have started already with my diet. Don't worry, I am not going to start banging on about the power of the edamame bean (they're disgusting by the by) or extolling the virtues of the Maple Syrup Diet (really...I mean REALLY???) but just things that have bugged me and things that I shouldn't really eat anymore, I have stopped eating them. Its only been a week, but I feel better and even a wee bit lighter. And dare I say, happier.
     I know this is probably an insult to feminists everywhere and would have Emily Pankhurst spinning in her grave to hear that this is how the female's of the future were viewing themselves, but yes, I have said it, when I am lighter, even marginally lighter and a bit healthier for not stuffing my face with junk, I do feel happier. But that is a story for another day. Looking down at myself, I would like to change everything, and I think I'm going to. I want my hair to be long, so I'm growing it. I want my face to be a little bit brighter but without resorting to chemicals, so I'm not smoking. I want my teeth to be all lovely and white, so I'm using quite expensive toothpaste. I want ab muscles and toned arms, so I'm hitting the gym etcetera etcetera But how far do you go before you start to lose sight of yourself, of your personality? Will I be able to rein in the overhaul to a manageable level and still retain Laura, or will I lose the run of myself, and once I start seeing a change in my physical appearance, will my mental equivalent change too?
     Of course, there are parts of my mentality that I would like, nay love to change. The fact that I say stupid things without thinking and then repent in leisure, the fact that I can be really slow on the uptake, the fact that I feel guilty for the smallest of things, even bad things that happen to other people and that have no link to me, my sensitivity that causes me to cry and stuff that a grown woman shouldn't cry about. There are a myriad of things, but then do I want to be rid of them, as if they do go, then will I still be me? Could this be part of the reason for celebrities to go off the rails at certain points along their career? 
     Think about it, no one is born a celebrity, bar maybe a few children thrust into the limelight while they are still in-utero,  so at one point or another, they had to be "civilians" like me and you (well maybe not me, coz I've always been fabulous dahlink) with body hang ups and fat days and greasy hair and dandruff and sitting on their friends floors crying over the boy who dicked them around and sneaking home drunk so their parents wouldn't catch them and of course, wearing hideous clothes that they thought looked cool. Did they consciously decide to overhaul themselves to make it to the top? Did they refine their personalities to fit in, thereby having an inner melting pot on the simmer all day everyday, only getting to release their true selves once they went home at night? Is this where celebrity eating disorders begin, making major body overhauls and not knowing where to stop. Read any aimed at women magazines each time there will be a weight controversy issue with someone being too small or being too big, and a pull out diet supplement. This would actually be enough to drive anyone to the loony bin, so I could have a point with the eating disorder comment. 
     Going off topic there for a bit, I got caught up in my own musings. What I am really trying to get at, is wanting to change but not change beyond all recognition. I have the most wonderful friends and family (even though we argue like cats and dogs and none of us are alike in anyway except for the dark hair) and for some strange reason they seem to like me and want me around, so I don't want to not be me any more, I just want to be a polished me. Going back to the interior design analogy from earlier, maybe I should just change the outside, make it cool, calm, prettier, more sell-able, but still keep the inside just as it is, a nice, cosy and familiar place where there's room for everyone and everyone is welcome.
     Don't worry, I haven't lost the plot, I'm sure by next week I will be bored and have been distracted by fluffy puppies and a new TV show.